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hi all... [Jan. 26th, 2006|07:16 pm]
I hate this life. really. just check out my journal and see for yourself.
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Lonely and not horny [Aug. 4th, 2005|10:52 am]

[Depression |lonelylonely]

My best friend could be replaced by a faulty computer, and as long as it was a mac, she wouldn't care.
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Hell-o out there in bitching land [Aug. 3rd, 2005|07:50 am]

[Depression |lonelylonely]

So yeah, I'm new here, but I'm sure in no time we'll all be just like one big disfunctional family.
So yeah... apparently one of my fr- ... companions has been going to some lengths to avoid me. This wouldn't be so bad if I needed two hands to count people who I could stand, or who I THOUGHT could stand me... y'know, I'd wish that she just say, "You suck, leave me alone" to my face instead of treating me like a fucking sped who can't even understand when they're being shunned. Even if it was just her, it would still suck but I could deal, since graduation I've gotten one fucking email from anyone... and with the one mentioned above posting about what wonderful times she's having with everyone else, I can understand how they'd be too busy to check their email for a month, too fucking busy to respond about a trip we've been planning for five years which she just blew off. I can understand why someone wouldn't want to spend ten days with me, but if would be really nice if she just removed the doubt... and it's not even like they don't like me, it's just that they don't care... guess they assumed someone else would do it... and they didn't...
Okay, I hear my mother bitching me out downstairs... she usually waits for me to get there...
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(no subject) [Dec. 5th, 2004|02:46 am]

[Depression |morosemorose]

i've been through a lot of angst. more than any of you fuckers who can't even spell. my entire fucking family was killed by my brother when i was young. i'm the only one left. i've been alone since then and my only purpose in life is to avenge their deaths. i'm going to kill my brother someday. i just need to get stronger.
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(no subject) [Nov. 23rd, 2004|10:26 am]

[Depression |angryH8H8H8]

soooo lyk OOO mi effing GAWD!!! dis morning i was geting rede 4 school & shit yo & i waz blow dryn my hurr & then i was all lyk "OHH SHIT my dryer is blowing me, lyk FCUk i'm a whore!!" so lyk i got rele mad & i told my mo that i was gonna slit her neck & make her bleed cuz lyk, i luvvvv bl00d s00o0o much!! SO DEN I KILLED MY DAD CUZ HE WAS ALL "HOW ARE U DOIN DIS MORNING!?>" I mean, he made it so obvious that he wantd to just bang me on the kitchen table & ew grossie! my mom was dere &shit! she isn't into that so i was lyk FUCK U ! & so now i;m in school & h8ing life & this butch giirl next to me is lyk making fun of me because i hav pUnk RAwK hAir Dooo & shit yo. solyk she inspird me to write a poem dat goz lyk diz....

i killed my dad
i h8 people who look at my rong
i need a new wig
its 2 effing punk RAWK
i <3 blo00d

LYKKK OMFGGGGGGGGGGGG h8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8h8h88

so efff the world & shit yoo !#
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(no subject) [Nov. 23rd, 2004|10:23 am]

[Depression |depresseddead]
[music |slipkn0t]

i totally got a B+ on mi inturrum and i'm just lyek "life suxxxx" i just wish i could have sum lisa frank stickurrz to make the pane go away. i also luv rainbooz n buterflyz. i just wish mi rents would hug mee frum time 2 time. but since i have no stickurrz, i'll just hav 2 cut miself and cri until my blak maskaira covurz mi face n getz in mi eyeZ. the beast inside mee haz begun 2 sho itselv again. o teh pane!! i'm cutting as i tiype. teh blud on the key bored. god h8s meee.

stab my hart
take teh pane away
world wud b better w/out me
want to die
no1 understandz
teh hurrt i go thru
hot topic
is mi only friend
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(no subject) [May. 23rd, 2004|10:33 pm]

i need a place 2 post. i have so much shit 2 deal with and i just want a place where people understand me. my parents r both dead (cancer), i have been "taken advantage of" 2 times, my boyfriend just broke up w/ me 2night and i am an avid cutter. sorry if this isn't enough. i think it is. i'm not asking for pity or sympathy. plz give me a place 2 let my feelings out, i really need it.
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(no subject) [Nov. 17th, 2004|07:57 pm]

hi...in an attempt to further avoid hw i searched for angsty ljs and i couldnt think of one that sums up my outlook on life better than angstfilledteen. excuse me if i type out words fully, its a habit my english teachers have instilled in me and i can't help but use correct grammar at random times. forgive me.

my life is annoying to lead, and i'll get to it later, but i wanted to first just point out some things that i have noticed and dwelled on in my endless musings. what is the point of life? we come to this earth, work like mad to put ourselves ahead so that our kids can have nice big inheritances and then we die. as humans we go around completely destroying this poor world more than its already destroyed and hurt one another just because of that evil running rampant in all of us. we all complain every day and even when we have that rare happy moment to cherish, it's lost quickly and the bad comes flooding back. am i the only one feeling like a prisoner in this endless chain of events leading to...nothing? because once you're dead, you're gone, you're free, the cycle of horrors is over and you can finally fly without chains dragging you down. the entire human race sickens me to the point where i'm literally gagging over things i must witness..either because they're simply so dumb or so mean and cruel and appalling. there comes a point when i just simply dont care about what happens...why bother? UGH i'm sry, perhaps its simply pessimism, but i HATE life to a great degree.

now about my own..not that it's terribly angsty to most i'm sure, but it's enough angst for me to deal with. im gonna say right now that i tend to do well in school. really well. and it's not to sound boastful, but just so you understand the dilemmas i am faced with terribly often. i have quite a reputation of excelling in pretty much everything i undertake and now my standards are set so high that i have nearly kill myself in an attempt to reach them. when i start falling into a pit of apathy, i feel guilty and push myself as hard as possible to make up for that lost time. i honestly dont give a damn about school, but it seems like i have no choice. my parents dont even care that much about my grades, not that there is much to worry about, but i cant disappoint them. and my parents are just impossible to deal with. my mom drives me NUTS every day because i'm not perfect enough for her..because i dont tell her everything that goes on in my life or what's on my mind (because i really dont feel comfortable discussing my crushes with her)..and she hates when i screw up slightly, even if it's just that i forgot to do something for her or wait too long to ask her something...idk i cant help it sometimes i just am "human" and not perfect. and i dont WANT to be perfect..but i have no choice but to strive for that. and it's taking a toll on me.

i've never been terribly successful with guys, which is another source of woe, but whatever, i've gotten over some of my insecurities about appearance and crap like that. and of course i always had to like a guy who was COMPLETELY outside of my reach (or lived 3000 miles away...) oo yes, i have some horrid crush stories. and i am tormented by my lovely peers for being smart, although people have grown slightly more mature through the years and in high school they're not as bad. but elementary school sucked. middle school was horrible.


um...idk if anyone will actually read/care about any of that but whatever. i feel slightly better.


p.s. comment if you love Green Day, Blink-182, Weezer, Guns 'n Roses, Led Zepplin, AC/DC, Nirvana, or any other wonderful bands
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omg mi lif sux [Sep. 2nd, 2004|12:11 pm]

[Depression |depresseddepressed]
[music |agnsty musik]

yesturdy mi mom teld mi th@ she h8d mi adn i wuz an aksidint
and mi dad sed th@ i wuz 2 ansty nad i sukt
adm mi sistur tuld mi th@ i neded 2 litin up shez jest sang th@ bekuz mon adn dasd luv hur T_T T_T T_T
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SLO MOSHUN [Sep. 2nd, 2004|12:57 pm]

[music |Juvenile - Slow Motion (Feat. Soulja Slim)]

hay i figgerd i shud post sence my 'rents rn't home and wehn they r hom they nvr lett me use teh net, i tink it is so crool cauz i need to takl 2 myfrien ds + they r lik "NO U MUS TDO UR HOMEWRKO B-CAUZ WE BID U SO" and tehy act liek tey ar god or sumthin.. wtf u no1? ne-way i haff to go back pla yzelda liek i shoud of ben doin erlier, bye, i h8 my rentz!$!!!!#!!

::!EDIT!:: i figgrd id posrt a pic i tooke this morning, u can c the sun on my face, i thin ki'm gorjus gorjis pritty.

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