||[Nov. 17th, 2004|07:57 pm]
hi...in an attempt to further avoid hw i searched for angsty ljs and i couldnt think of one that sums up my outlook on life better than angstfilledteen. excuse me if i type out words fully, its a habit my english teachers have instilled in me and i can't help but use correct grammar at random times. forgive me. |
my life is annoying to lead, and i'll get to it later, but i wanted to first just point out some things that i have noticed and dwelled on in my endless musings. what is the point of life? we come to this earth, work like mad to put ourselves ahead so that our kids can have nice big inheritances and then we die. as humans we go around completely destroying this poor world more than its already destroyed and hurt one another just because of that evil running rampant in all of us. we all complain every day and even when we have that rare happy moment to cherish, it's lost quickly and the bad comes flooding back. am i the only one feeling like a prisoner in this endless chain of events leading to...nothing? because once you're dead, you're gone, you're free, the cycle of horrors is over and you can finally fly without chains dragging you down. the entire human race sickens me to the point where i'm literally gagging over things i must witness..either because they're simply so dumb or so mean and cruel and appalling. there comes a point when i just simply dont care about what happens...why bother? UGH i'm sry, perhaps its simply pessimism, but i HATE life to a great degree.
now about my own..not that it's terribly angsty to most i'm sure, but it's enough angst for me to deal with. im gonna say right now that i tend to do well in school. really well. and it's not to sound boastful, but just so you understand the dilemmas i am faced with terribly often. i have quite a reputation of excelling in pretty much everything i undertake and now my standards are set so high that i have nearly kill myself in an attempt to reach them. when i start falling into a pit of apathy, i feel guilty and push myself as hard as possible to make up for that lost time. i honestly dont give a damn about school, but it seems like i have no choice. my parents dont even care that much about my grades, not that there is much to worry about, but i cant disappoint them. and my parents are just impossible to deal with. my mom drives me NUTS every day because i'm not perfect enough for her..because i dont tell her everything that goes on in my life or what's on my mind (because i really dont feel comfortable discussing my crushes with her)..and she hates when i screw up slightly, even if it's just that i forgot to do something for her or wait too long to ask her something...idk i cant help it sometimes i just am "human" and not perfect. and i dont WANT to be perfect..but i have no choice but to strive for that. and it's taking a toll on me.
i've never been terribly successful with guys, which is another source of woe, but whatever, i've gotten over some of my insecurities about appearance and crap like that. and of course i always had to like a guy who was COMPLETELY outside of my reach (or lived 3000 miles away...) oo yes, i have some horrid crush stories. and i am tormented by my lovely peers for being smart, although people have grown slightly more mature through the years and in high school they're not as bad. but elementary school sucked. middle school was horrible.
I WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M LEADING THIS POINTLESS LIFE
um...idk if anyone will actually read/care about any of that but whatever. i feel slightly better.
p.s. comment if you love Green Day, Blink-182, Weezer, Guns 'n Roses, Led Zepplin, AC/DC, Nirvana, or any other wonderful bands